Are we not meant to be light to the world?

When I come before You,
I notice how quickly I put myself at the centre.
What do I need?
What am I feeling?
How am I doing?

Self-care matters.
Rest matters.
Silence matters.

But when the self quietly becomes the centre,
life turns into management,
comparison,
control,
and anxiety.

I see this not as a failure,
but as a pattern I have fallen into.

There are Christians who love You deeply.
They worship You faithfully at home.
They read Your Word every day.
They pray sincerely.
They are close to You.
And yet,
they remain distant from the people nearest to them.

“I can’t help today – it will take time away from God.”
“I won’t visit – I don’t want the pain.”
“I won’t join – I’m an introvert.”
“I’ll just stay home and pray.”
I admit I’m sometimes like this too.

Day after day.
Year after year.
Alone in a room – with You?

I don’t say this with judgement.
I ask because I am discerning.

Are You calling me only to be with You,
or also to let Your light pass through me to others?

When does devotion become avoidance?
When does prayer become a hiding place instead of a sending place?

Teach me how to remain close to You
without retreating from love.
How to pray deeply
without turning inward.
How to care for myself
without closing my heart.

If we are meant to be light,
show me how to shine
not by standing apart,
but by stepping gently toward those You place in my life.

Let my prayer lead me outward,
not away.