It has been 29 days
since I began listening,
reflecting,
and conversing with the Lord.

Skeptics would say,
“You can’t possibly hear God’s voice.”
And they are right.
I can’t.

But I have become aware
of tensions that exist,
tensions that were once hidden,
tucked away
in my subconscious.

There have been realisations.

So what do I realise on Day 29?

My life was a lot simpler
twenty-nine days ago.

I thought I was praying
and being a good Catholic.
But life was more performative,
more task-oriented.
It was easier
to fall asleep.

By Day 20,
I found myself wondering:
Is God a dictator,
and am I His mindless puppet?

By Day 29,
I am reminded:

Lord,
You chose to love me
even before I knew You.

A dictator
oppresses
his fellow humans.

But in You,
I live
and move
and have my being.

And You know what else?

I see more of my imperfections now
than I did
twenty-nine days ago.

These conversations
have gotten harder.

So I wonder –
how will I be
three hundred and twenty-nine days from now?